A woman’s perspective: I don’t want sex anymore. What’s wrong with me?

Yes, it’s very common. In Natsal-3, a large survey of sexual health in Britain, 34% of sexually active women said they’d lacked interest in sex for 3 months or more in the past year. It was more common with age, peaking at 39% of women aged 55 to 64.

Only about 1 in 10 sexually active women said they were distressed about their sex life, so for many women, a dip in desire isn’t a problem. It only needs attention if it bothers you or affects your relationship.

The NHS says treating the cause should help increase your sex drive.

Relationship problems

Arguments, not feeling emotionally close, or finding it hard to talk about sex can all lower your desire. In Natsal-3, women were more likely to lack interest in sex if they didn’t feel emotionally close to their partner during sex, found it hard to talk about sex, or had a different level of interest from their partner.

Stress, tiredness and mental health

Stress, anxiety and depression are among the most common causes of a low sex drive. Tiredness plays a part too, especially when you’re looking after a baby.

Medicines, contraception and alcohol

Some medicines, like antidepressants and blood pressure tablets, can lower your sex drive. So can hormonal contraception, like the pill, patch or implant, and drinking too much alcohol.

Pregnancy, a new baby and the menopause

Your hormone levels change in pregnancy and after birth, and they fall as you get older, especially around the menopause. The menopause can also cause vaginal dryness, which can make sex uncomfortable.

Painful or unsatisfying sex

If sex hurts or doesn’t feel good, it’s natural to want it less. Vaginal dryness, vaginismus (when the muscles of the vagina tighten on their own) and some infections can all make sex painful.

Long-term health conditions

Conditions like heart disease, diabetes, an underactive thyroid and cancer can also affect your sex drive.

Not directly, but some infections can make sex painful, and pain is a common reason to go off sex:

• Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), which can cause pain deep inside during sex and bleeding after sex.
• Trichomonas can cause soreness in and around the vagina and pain during sex.
• Genital Herpes can cause painful blisters and sores.
• Thrush, which isn’t an STI, can make sex sore and stinging.

Many STIs cause no symptoms at all, so if you’ve had a new partner, a test can rule them out. In Natsal-3, women who had ever been diagnosed with an STI were also more likely to report lacking interest in sex, although the survey couldn’t show why.

What helps depends on the cause:

• Relationship problems: talking openly with your partner, or relationship counselling.
• Stress, anxiety or depression: talking therapies such as CBT, or medicines if you need them.
• Medicines or contraception: a doctor may be able to change your medicine or suggest a different type of contraception.
• Vaginal dryness: lubricants and vaginal moisturisers from a pharmacy. Don’t use oil-based lubricants with condoms, as they can damage them.
• The menopause: HRT, or vaginal oestrogen for dryness. If HRT alone doesn’t help your desire, a menopause specialist may suggest testosterone.
• Vaginismus: psychosexual therapy, a talking therapy that helps you understand and change how you feel about your body and sex.

Sex therapists, such as those listed by the College of Sexual and Relationship Therapists, can help you and your partner with desire and intimacy. Read more in “What is a sexual relationship?”

See a doctor if:

• your low sex drive worries you or is affecting your relationship
• you think a medicine or your contraception could be the cause
• your sex drive hasn’t come back after pregnancy
• sex is painful, or you have bleeding after sex or unusual discharge

A doctor can look for physical causes, like the menopause or an underactive thyroid, and talk you through treatments and therapies that could help.

If you’ve had a new partner, or sex has become painful or uncomfortable, a test can rule out an infection. UK guidance suggests an STI test at the start of a new relationship, then every year and after a new partner if you’re not in an exclusive relationship.

Better2Know offers:

• Comfort Screen: a urine test for 8 infections, including Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea, Trichomonas and Herpes, from 14 days after sex, with results in 2 days (3 days for the home test). You can book it at one of our clinics or order a home test kit.
• Comprehensive Screen (Women Only): for symptoms like itching, pain when you pee or pain during sex, it tests a urine sample and a vaginal swab for common STIs and other infections, from 14 days after sex, with results in 5 days, at one of our clinics.
• Menopause Screen: a blood test for FSH, LH, oestradiol, TSH and free thyroxine, with results in 1 day. It can help if you’re under 45 and your periods have changed, or to check your thyroid.

Not sure which test you need? Our Patient Care Team is available 24/7 on 020 7099 0955.

Can the pill lower your sex drive?

It can for some women. The NHS lists hormonal contraception, like the pill, patch or implant, as a possible cause. If you think it’s affecting you, talk to a doctor about other types of contraception.

Should I have my hormones tested?

Not usually for low desire alone. If you’re over 45, the menopause is usually diagnosed from your symptoms, without a blood test. A hormone test can help if you’re under 45 and your periods have changed, or if a doctor thinks a thyroid problem could be the cause.

Is it normal to want sex less in a long relationship?

Yes. Relationships often go through phases when one or both partners lose interest in sex. In Natsal-3, women in relationships of more than a year were more likely to lack interest in sex. Read more in “A man’s perspective: I don’t want to have sex anymore. What’s wrong with me?”

Not wanting sex anymore is common, and it doesn’t mean something is wrong with you as a person. Stress, tiredness, relationship problems, medicines, the menopause and painful sex are all common causes, and most can be helped once you know what’s behind them.

If sex has become painful, or you’ve had a new partner, get tested to rule out an infection. Order a Comfort Screen home test kit or book a Comfort Screen at a clinic near you. Our Patient Care Team is available 24/7 on 020 7099 0955.

Not in the UK? Choose your country from the selector at the top of the page for local tests and prices.

This article originally appeared on 6 January 2023 and was last updated on 30 September 2026.

This article is general information and not a substitute for personal medical advice.

Sources

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11. NHS, Pelvic inflammatory disease (PID), reviewed 17 December 2025. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pelvic-inflammatory-disease-pid/
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