Why won’t my partner get tested for STIs?

The sexual health charity Brook says people sometimes don’t get tested because:

• they don’t have symptoms, so they think they don’t need to
• they think it’s too much effort
• they’re worried about testing positive, or about what people might think
• they don’t have the right information about how STIs are passed on

Stigma plays a part too. Brook says fear of what others might think can stop people getting tested at all, and UK research with young people found some wanted to keep testing hidden from family and friends, and felt embarrassed talking about their sex lives face to face.

Many STIs have no symptoms, so you can have one without knowing it and pass it on. Most people with Chlamydia don’t have symptoms, and HIV may not cause symptoms for years. The only way to know for sure is to get tested.

In England, 334,151 new STIs were diagnosed in 2025. Read more in “Can I still have an STI if I feel fine?”

• Bring it up early, ideally before you have sex, rather than in the moment.
• Make it about both of you. Suggesting you both get tested feels less like an accusation. Brook suggests going with your partner or friends if you’re nervous.
• Explain that many STIs have no symptoms, so feeling fine doesn’t mean they don’t have one.
• Reassure them that testing is quick and confidential. Brook says STI tests only take 10 to 15 minutes.
• Offer options. If they don’t want to go to a clinic, they can test at home.

Read more in “Should we get tested before having sex? How to talk to a new partner”

It’s your choice what happens next. You never have to have sex, or sex without a condom, if you don’t want to. As Brook puts it, you shouldn’t ever feel pressured to have sex without a condom, in the same way you shouldn’t ever feel pressured to have sex.

You can also:

• use a condom every time you have sex, and a dam for oral sex
• get tested yourself, so you know your own status
• ask about PrEP if you’re at higher risk of HIV. It’s a medicine that protects against HIV, although not other STIs.
• get the HPV vaccine if you’re eligible

If you feel you can’t say no to your partner because you’re worried about your safety, it’s important to get help. If it’s an emergency, call 999.

Using a condom every time you have sex is the best way to protect you and your partner from HIV and other STIs. But Herpes and genital warts can still be passed on through skin a condom doesn’t cover.

Some STIs, including Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea, Syphilis and Herpes, can also be passed on through oral sex, and cold sores can spread through kissing. Read more in “3 STIs you can catch even if you use a condom”

UK guidelines suggest testing:

• at least once a year if you’re sexually active
• whenever you have a new partner
• at the start of a new relationship, if you plan to be exclusive
• every 3 months if you’re at higher risk, for example if you’ve had more than 10 partners in the past year or you take PrEP

Some infections can take up to 7 weeks after sex without a condom to show up on a test, so an early test may need repeating. Read more in “Which STI test do I need? How to choose the right test after a new partner”

Better2Know offers:

• Full Screen: tests for 7 infections, including HIV, Syphilis, Chlamydia and Gonorrhoea, from 28 days after sex, with results in 3 days (5 days for the home test). You can book it at one of our clinics or order a Full Screen home test.
• Peace of Mind: tests for Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea and Syphilis from 14 days after sex, with results in 2 days.
• Platinum Screen: tests for 12 infections, including Herpes and Trichomonas, from 28 days after sex, with results in 3 days.

If you test before 45 days, a negative HIV result needs a repeat test. A Syphilis test in the first 3 months after sex can miss the infection, so you may need a repeat test. Not sure which test you need? Our Patient Care Team is available 24/7 on 020 7099 0955.

Does my partner refusing a test mean they have an STI?

Not necessarily. People avoid testing for lots of reasons, including fear and feeling fine. But without a test, neither of you can know.

Can we get tested together?

You can each book a test at the same time. Brook suggests going with your partner if you’re nervous about getting tested.

Should I tell my partner if I test positive?

Yes, so they can get tested and treated. If you’d rather not tell them yourself, there are ways to let them know anonymously. Read more in “Can you tell a partner anonymously they need an STI test?”

A partner who won’t get tested is often scared or unsure, rather than hiding something. Talk about it early, make it about both of you, and remember that you decide what you’re comfortable with. Whatever they choose, you can protect yourself and get tested.

Book a Full Screen at a clinic near you or order a home test kit. Our Patient Care Team is available 24/7 on 020 7099 0955.

Not in the UK? Choose your country from the selector at the top of the page for local tests and prices.

This article originally appeared on 2 December 2022 and was last updated on 1 October 2026.

This article is general information and not a substitute for personal medical advice.

Sources

1. Brook, Why you should get tested for STIs, updated 23 October 2024. https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/why-you-should-get-tested-for-stis/
2. Brook, STIs and stigma, updated 8 August 2023. https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/stis-and-stigma/
3. Brook, STI testing: FAQs, updated 28 November 2024. https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/getting-tested-for-stis/
4. Brook, Talking about condoms with your partner, updated 20 July 2023. https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/talking-about-condoms/
5. Brook, Consent and sex in long-term relationships, updated 4 January 2024. https://www.brook.org.uk/your-life/consent-and-sex-in-long-term-relationships/
6. Aicken CRH, Fuller SS, Sutcliffe LJ, et al. Young people’s perceptions of smartphone-enabled self-testing and online care for sexually transmitted infections: qualitative interview study. BMC Public Health, 2016;16:974. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1186/s12889-016-3648-y
7. NHS, Sexually transmitted infections (STIs), reviewed 13 May 2024. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/sexually-transmitted-infections-stis/
8. NHS, Chlamydia, reviewed 24 October 2024. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/chlamydia/
9. NHS, HIV and AIDS, reviewed 9 July 2025. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/hiv-and-aids/
10. NHS, Condoms, reviewed 26 January 2024. https://www.nhs.uk/contraception/methods-of-contraception/condoms/
11. NHS, Genital herpes, reviewed 27 June 2023. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/genital-herpes/
12. NHS, Genital warts, reviewed 10 July 2023. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/genital-warts/
13. NHS, Cold sores, reviewed 19 February 2024. https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/cold-sores/
14. British Association for Sexual Health and HIV, Summary guidance on testing for sexually transmitted infections, 2023. https://www.bashh.org/_userfiles/pages/files/resources/bashh_summary_guidance_on_stis_testing_2023.pdf
15. UK Health Security Agency, Sexually transmitted infections and screening for chlamydia in England: 2025 report, 2 June 2026. https://www.gov.uk/government/statistics/sexually-transmitted-infections-stis-annual-data-tables/sexually-transmitted-infections-and-screening-for-chlamydia-in-england-2025-report
16. British HIV Association, British Association for Sexual Health and HIV and British Infection Association, Adult HIV testing guidelines, 2020. https://bhiva.org/wp-content/uploads/2024/10/HIV-testing-guidelines-2020.pdf
17. British Association for Sexual Health and HIV, UK guidelines for the management of syphilis, 2024. https://www.bashh.org/_userfiles/pages/files/syphilis_2024.pdf